So despite the hatred that had been forming inside me, I still married Husband #1. My insecurities, the need to be loved still remained. Our relationship never progressed into a marriage that was worth any efforts from either of us. Too much had happened in such a small time line that recovering was not an option. It was a redundant whirlwind of illegal substances that were consumed and sold. This illegal substance was intended to bring profit to us which in turn would allow for us to pay our basic responsibilities of life. Pay for our survival that didn’t happen. This overrated choice of career ended up being what was sold went right back into more illegal substances which were consumed at a faster rate of selling enough to at least have to remain high on. This became a hateful and viscous downfall.