Do you remember me? I remember you. Last time you faced me I was a small helpless little girl. Have you thrown the letter away yet? That’s probably what you would do since you cant face how much of a monster you are. Throwing this letter out is the coward thing to do. I would not expect anything else from you. Its ok because this letter is for me. I am a grown 31 year old woman. I am a woman that has become a wife to a truly an amazing husband. My best friend. A man that has shown me nothing but love. A woman that has become a mother of 4 beautiful children. I get to look into my heathy 4 children’s faces every day, We provide them with a beautiful loving home. I get to be their mom. My life is truly blessed and I do not
take any of it for granted. So everything you did to me as a child, I want you to know I win! I have a beautiful life and you have never held me back. I remember a lot do you? What have you told Your son, my brother? Have you told him anything? Did you tell him nothing happened, did you say or worse think you were innocent? Did you tell him I was brain washed? Did you ever feel any sympathy? Well let me tell you what I do remember. 

I remember you and my mom living in those shitty Victorville apartments. One day we were leaving and you pulled the car up. My Mom was huge and pregnant with your son. As she was trying to get into the car you kept driving slowly not letting her sit in the car. Finally my mom stopped and walked
to the front passenger side of the car. you were at a complete stop. I remember her telling you its not funny as she holds her pregnant belly. Then you sped the car up and ran over her feet, you then decided to park your car on her feet as she cried and yelled please stop get off please. You made sure you had the car parked on her feet for a good min as I listen to her cry and scream. You finally backed up off her feet. you got out of the car and walked around told her to shut the fuck up and you slammed her face on the hood of the car. You then shoved her into the front seat. All while pregnant with your baby. Your sweet baby boy.

I remember you in those shitty apartments. You never stopped hitting my mom. She was an object to you, she belonged to you. You
would hit her just because she breathed. I remember when my mom brought home My brother, her newborn son. God he was precious. He was so beautiful.  He had these ears that would pop out, they would always make me smile.  I used to whisper to him as a baby I would never let you hurt him. I would take his socks off because he had dry flakey skin as a new born. He was perfect. I loved him so much. But I lived in fear of you, And little did I know I was just an object to you too. I remember the bull shit lies you made up just so you could hit me with the belt, put me in the corner for long periods of time. in the mean time when my mom would not be home you used to say, your mom does not love me…your mom does not love me, you don’t love me. No mother fucker I didn’t but I was a scared child. One time, my mom was holding Your son
and your screaming in her face. You punch her directly in her face and she held onto him. She ran over and put the baby into his crib and she made me stay in the room with him. I remember you beating her so bad right after she gave birth to your son. I would hide in bed next to my brothers crib and just pray it would be over soon.I still remember my moms crys and screams and trying to fight you off of her. The next day her face was black and blue. What did she do that time… talk back.. did not have money..gone to long. At one point you used to take your belt and fold it in half, then pull it so it would make a big slap noise, you would come after me as a threat. But who knows when you would blow. I would hear Slap Slap Slap from your belt telling me, your mom does not love me. I would just close my eyes until you were finished or you put me in the corner for a long period of
time. I remember. One time when my mom was gone I was asleep on the side of your bed. I woke up and walked into the living room. That’s when I seen you watching porn fully naked, I just turned around and went back to the room when you noticed I was up. I ran underneath the blankets from where I was napping. I peaked out the blankets and you were walking down the hall way towards me jacking off. I hid under the blankets and waited for you to be gone. I heard your breathing from under the blankets. Finally you finished and you left the room. Of course as a child I had no idea what you were doing, but I remember being scared. It took me being an adult to know what you were doing. Do you remember? I do. 

I remember in those shitty apartments I had the courage to tell you I hated you. I remember yelling it. You then made me leave the house. Thankfully you let me take my baby doll. You said since I hate you so much leave and don’t come back. I was 5 years old and you made me leave. You closed the door and locked it and said don’t ever come back. So I started to walk. I remember thinking, I remember how to get to my grandmas house. Once I was on the street walking you and my mom picked me up and told me to get in the car. It was apparent nothing made you happy. I got the belt for doing what you told me to do and you said I should never run away. I remember you.

I remember one time we were driving down the rode in your truck, you got pissed off at my mom and started to pull my mom out of the truck by her hair. She is screaming trying her hardest to hold onto the seats while your pulling her hair. I still can see the blue veins in her head on how hard you were pulling. I remember her screaming as I was holding her. I was so scared, I thought you were going to kill her. Do you remember? I do.

I remember one time at your parents house and I heard my mom screaming, I ran into the room and you had her pinned on the bed. You slapped her across her face. You were raping her! She was screaming NO please stop, begging you to stop. My mom seen me in the door way and yelled to me to close
the door! I ran into the living room where your parents were listening to you rape my mom. Do you remember raping my mom. I do. Your probably thinking which time.

I remember at your parents house almost the same situation. My mom screaming for help. Please help stop. I ran to the room and opened the door. I remember your mom and your dad standing in the door way too. You were punching my mom in her face beating her while she was pinned on the bed. I yelled make him stop please! Your sick mom turned and said, “No your mom deserves; this watch.” My mom was yelling, get her out of here! I started to scream and cry as they made me watch you continue to beat her face in. I had to watch my moms body go lifeless, go silent. Then they finally took me out of the room. Do you remember? I do. 

I remember you and your father would taunt me with your two Rottweiler’s. You would have me sit on my knees with the two dogs infront of me. You would tell them to sit, they would growl at me, teeth showing. You would say if I act up you would sick them on me. Then you had me go outside to watch you take a tire and name it MY name then you would say “sic” to the two dogs and they would run and shred the tire apart. Because its so fun taunting and scaring a 5 year old. Your a big boy. Do you remember? I do.
There were so many times when you attacked my mom in that house. Countless times I found my self running down the street to get help. A 5 year old running down a dirt rode to call for help. A few times buy my self, a few times with my mom and My brother. One time I
remember you coming down the dirt rode in your truck coming after us. My mom was holding my brother running. At one point you came so close to her almost running her over with your sweet boy in her arms. Your sweet baby boy. You could have killed him several times. Please I hope you remember. 

I remember California. OH! I remember California! Fuck, so much happened right? I mean you were there, I know you remember you piece of shit. I mean where do I even start. I guess I start out with the mind games. You always found pleasure in it. Then it was followed buy a ass beating with your belt. Everytime my mom left the house, you would start out with your repetitive “your mom does not love me. You don’t love me.”Then it would be, “You spit in the hair brush.”
Umm ok, you could not have thought of a better lie. Anything you could lie about to beat me every day with the belt. Always scared to go home. Most days it would be me coming home from school. You would ask “Did you eat your lunch at school.” I would tell you “Yes.” “ Did you eat all of it?” you would ask. I would tell you “Yes.” Then you would say “I have people watching you at school. Your lying you did not eat all your lunch.” What would happen next?” It was a ass beating with the belt. you always left welts up and down my back to my ass. I would sit in the lunch room at school and be the only student left in the lunch room waiting for me to stomach something I did not like so maybe today I wont get beat. Finally a teacher came up and asked, why are you still here and not playing with the kids at recess. I told her I
have to eat my lunch or I will get into trouble. I wanted to tell her so bad. She said are you still hungry. I told her no. She then took my plate and said ok look you ate all your food. Go play. So I did. I went home thinking maybe she told you I ate all my food. And was happy maybe today I was not going to get hit. Sure enough the moment I walked into the door I new I was wrong. You would do the same routine. You did not eat your lunch. Go to your room and pull you pants down. I did what I was told. I bent over with my rear butt out. you would fold your belt and I would here you smack the belt. Smack Smack Smack. I knew buy the third time it was the time you finally smacked me with it. While yelling I told you to eat your lunch. Food does not come easy. I finally stopped crying. I didn’t know how to cry any more. I didn’t feel
the pain any more. Only if you new I ate the school lunches more. They were way better. I never looked forward to powder milk and government cheese Grilled cheese you would give us if it was a good night. I was always hungry. It was a great day if I got to eat dinner. My teacher would bring snacks to class and give me her snacks to eat in the morning. I’m sure they new. One thing you always told me after the beating. If I told anyone you were going to kill my mom. And I would never see my brother again. All the time you would tell me this. So when a teacher asked or a adult where I got the bruises I would lie. I wish I new better. Another fun lie you would tell just to beat me is THROW MINE and my brothers clothes out the window from the 2nd floor and say i did it…I was at school…Why would you lie? To beat me. Why not just beat me.
To try to justify that what you were doing was ok. that same thing happened a few times. Like the time your fucking looser ass father came to the apartment. I was in my room. you both came into my room. opened the closet door and took a gun out from the top shelf in my closet. you said did you fucking touch this? I said no. Then guess what I got.. anther beating. You big man you. Who hides a fucking gun in a kids room. no mother fucker I couldent even reach up there even if I new about it. One night o my favorite.. I spit in the hair brush again apparently.. I mean where did you think of these stories to lie about. what ever you were set off by something that night. You came into my room on a ramage. You took your belt and you hit it across my face. I fell onto the bean bag. I was
yelling please don’t. I can see it in your eyes I was going to die that night. You kept hitting me with the belt so I turned over onto my stomach screaming to stop. you continued to beat me with the belt over and over. you then grabbed the back of my head and held my head into the bean bag, I was trying to breath. you flipped me over and started to pull my hair while you were laying on top of me. All I could think was I’m going to die. At one point you finally stopped. you got up and looked at me and turned around and walked out of the room. I ran to my bed. I cried and cried and prayed to god one of my grandmas would here me cry for them. I finally fell asleep praying. I woke up the next morning backwards on my bed. I woke u naked. I am still wondering to this day. the times i blacked out, was it
because you sexually hurt me, or did you just jack off next to me. either way your sick as fuck. Come to find out there is a god, My family herd me cry for them. that’s when grandma and grandma showed up 2 days later. I ran up to her I was so happy to see them and they had grocery’s.. I started to run up to them but I remembered what you said. if they ever came up they would take me and I never would see my mom again. so my excitement was short lived, I started to cry saying please don’t take me please crying to them. then my grandma said its ok were not going to as she hugged me. I truly dont believe your human. I was scared i was never going to see my mom again, or worse hurt or kill her. But i do remember you running out of the apartment like a little bitch that you are. My grandparents were upset
seeing you run. knowing you were still around. They still came up to the apartment and brought food. I new they new something was not right.

I remember, playing at school and got my toe nail snagged on some other kids shoe. I had to go to the nurse because it was bleeding. when i arrived the nurse said.. oh Rachel Cox i was going to see you today when recess was over. So this is perfect she said. She asked me a bunch of questions like if i had medical problems. ext. She asked if i could undress and leave my underwear on, so i did. She then took photos of my back. she then searched through my hair and said it was for lice. She then seen the three bald spots in the head from that night you were pulling my hair. She took more photos. I remember her
asking me how I got the bruises and the bald spots. I told her i dont know.

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