There was no food, no money which became the norm in our lives. I dared to challenge Husband #2 with this question. “Husband #2 are you able to borrow some $ from your parents?” I should have thought he would flip out and become violent to me. I had fallen deeper into myself, that when the beatings commenced I had the ability to immediately separate mentally from my physical body. It took years for me to understand what I was doing then in order to not feel anything negative.
I watched Husband #2 turn away from me as I sat in the small living room in the shitty apartment we lived in. He continued down the 2 foot hall into our bedroom. Since he said nothing in response to my question I assumed this meant no. This irritated me because I had grown tired of him making no efforts to become employed. I hated him at this point for endless reasons. He came out from the bedroom yelling at me, “I’ll tell you bitch what you will do!” I looked up from the couch to see him rapidly walking at me holding a shot gun. A shotgun that I had no idea was in our apartment! Husband #2 pointed this gun at me then pressed it to my head while grabbing my hair to hold it on me. I cannot convey the emotions that flowed through my mind and body. I know I was completely frightened, my life truly flashed through my mind. I tried to calm myself because I literally began shaking throughout my existence. I wanted to look to see where my children we at at that moment but I was terrified if I did it would make it worse.