So despite the loathing that had been forming inside me, I married Husband #1. My insecurities and the craving to be loved persisted. Our marriage never evolved into a relationship worth any measure from either of us. Too much had transpired in such a little timeline that redeeming was not a choice. It was a redundant whirlwind of forbidden substances that were devoured and dealt with. This unlawful entity was aimed at bringing income to us, which would enable us to pay our fundamental accountabilities of life. Exhausted for our survival, that didn’t come to pass. This overrated intent of a livelihood that shook out was peddled right back into other forbidden substances, depleted rapidly. We sold an ample amount to remain high on. This became a wicked and vicious defeat.