I had become emotionless, a robot. I couldn’t think for myself or anyone during this misery with Husband #2. This may sound like a justification for why I wasn’t there for my kids and self-medicated. Unless you have been through consistent trauma and physical & mental abuse, you don’t perceive it. I was worthless in my mind & beaten down. I had no self-esteem. I was just solely lost. Likewise, I wouldn’t wish this upon my nastiest enemy. Furthermore, I felt crazy all the time. I surmised I was going insane.