” I can’t imagine you are intimidating me! You are behaving as you will strike me! Look at you!” he responded, “ If you don’t shut the fuck up, you will get what you deserve bitch!” “Keep pushing me, you cunt, with your fucking questions!” “Who the fuck are you to question me?” “You don’t trust me?!” He continued to mumble as he walked toward his car. I just stood there.
My heart plunged intensely into my chest. An agonizing and massive disconnect washed over me. I felt like I wished to die. I needed to vanish. I felt hostile, irritation, perplexed, abandoned, frustrated, and on and on.
I had never undergone anyone, especially my husband, harming me. I felt inadequate. I trudged towards his car to get in the passenger side, and he sped off to go home. I didn’t say one word to him the entire car ride home. I had no comments anyway. I was still struggling to make sense of what happened. I didn’t even want to look at him. I began to cry quietly. I held my breath, trying to push down my emotions. The tears just kept rolling down my cheeks. I kept brushing them quickly away. It crushed me that day. I had no idea what to do with any of it.
How can he say he loves me after behaving towards me like I signified nothing? I felt what bitterness is, I felt hate. Then I speculated maybe I was overreacting about his disappearance. Perhaps I was unfair. Possibly he was having an awful day. Everyone has unpleasant days once in a while. I guessed he possibly didn’t imply any of it. How can I be a decent wife so this doesn’t occur again? Abruptly I gave attention to him say my name, and I snapped out of my stupor. I discovered we were home, and I was still sitting in the car. #1 had already got out and was standing holding the car door open, raising a question of I intended on coming in.
AGAINST MY SOUL 