Even though my life today lacks nothing. I’m the one who lacks emotionally. Someone close to me may not react in a way I think they should. When I notice this an overwhelming dark existence smothers me. I end up feeling irrelevant. Trauma I deal with today that happened in my childhood or the chapters of marriage . Feeling irrelevant comes with wishing I could disappear, emotional upheaval, my chest caving in from pain, and the art of holding back my tears. Tears I should just let flow.