I never guessed about my ex-husbands’ remarks to me. Several times, each one declared while physically beating me, “I love fighting, and I’m just miserable.” My focus was always trying to get the beatings to stop.
Today I challenge what my Triggers are in my marriage. Was I just exhausted and grumpy yesterday? I enjoyed two days with my grandchildren. Twins that are four years old and a nine-year-old. Yes, it can be chaotic, but not in a cruel way. When they left, I just needed to be by myself. Yet I still cooked dinner for my husband and his son, who is here due to his broken leg. I relish cooking and helping out. Then I said I’m going to the room to watch tv and eat dinner. I fell asleep and then awoke to my husband getting to to bed. For some reason, I didn’t yearn for his company. I felt in my head, why am I thinking like this? He dealt with my negative vibes and talked to me. It didn’t end well because he told me, “ you must like to argue.” I broke emotionally. I told him that is the poorest thing you could have said to me.” This morning I’m irritated about this and don’t know why. I believed we had never argued but 2-3 times. When he said that, I believed his perception was very different than mine.