My Blog

It makes me feel better to mention I have been blogging my personal thoughts, memories, trauma etc… just as it comes out. As far as correct punctuation I do not care. So expect it. I have been reading information about Complex PTSD. What I understand is this is a chronic traumatization that happens over the course of months and years. This includes domestic violence, living in a war zone, and numerous issues. It is seen in trauma that began in childhood. As a child my trauma interrupted my development psychologically and neurologically. Survivors of this form of trauma have a difficult time with emotions, as I do. Most of my emotions have been unmanaged, persistent sadness, anger. Basically I was numb. I had dissociated countless moments of my trauma to avoid feeling it. I would think about other things during these episodes, detach from myself completely when it was worse than other times. I know now this was my ways of trying to protect myself. I have always had problems in my relationships. I lacked in reality due to the above marriages and friendships wouldn’t last long. I still endure endless flashbacks that are set-off by a song on the radio, a comment someone said to me, a situation that I was beat for only occurring today in my regular life. Innocent situations that were made negative.

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